Kingdom: New Lands


Steam Page

Wow. Just wow. What an amazing game.

So Kingdom: New Lands is an RTS in which you play a Monarch that is trying to rebuild the kingdom of their ancestors. You recruit goons of questionable virtue and build a kingdom from a small fortune you found lying around. Lord knows how it got there but who cares. Use this gold to rebuild your kingdom. But it seems that someone knows of your attempt to rebuild your kingdom because every night you get assaulted by mobs and mobs of goons. But you couldn’t, nay, you’d never sully your hands by fighting the goons yourselves. So you have your archers fight the goons for you and you just have to sit back and pray that your walls are thick enough. If you’d like to stem the flow of goons, you can destroy portals using knight squads. Each knight can have three archers following them. The knights don’t attack the portal, they just hold the line so their archer squads can do the work.

Every few nights a Red Moon appears in the sky and during this night you get mobbed by even more enemies than usual. Normally this wouldn’t be that much of a problem but your archers have the accuracy of blind man firing a BB gun at a flea on your cat. The good part about Red Moons is that the enemies will only spawn from one side. I think there’s a possible exception if you destroy a portal right before it though.

There are various shrines you can offer gold to if you want to buff your units (and why wouldn’t you) but they can get pretty pricey if your income is stifled by… I dunno… the swarms of goons at your door. And then your knights are such pussies that if the wall gets low on health, instead of doing their jerb and holding the line they run back to an inner wall. And they bring their archer squads with them! The number of times I yelled at my computer because if the knights had stayed and let their archers keep firing, we wouldn’t have lost that wall! Christ.

And don’t get me started on the engineers. If you happen to accidentally mark a tree for removal out in the middle of nowhere, your engineers will continually suicide at it until they cut it down! And sometimes your archers will stay out hunting way past their bedtime and get gooned. And sometimes you need that extra gold coin and your archer will shoot like five arrows at a rabbit and miss every time. PUT. ON. YOUR. GLASSES. 

The only downside to this game (I would say) is that each level takes like two hours to complete. Oh, and if you want to clear the last island, it’s imperative that you set yourself up by beating a prior island (I chose the first island for ease) because the small fortune you find at the beginning of the game is a little tooooo small.

That said, it’s very absorbing. I accidentally played through the night until I had to get up for work several times. “Just one more attempt.” The game nicely works its way into itself for replays too. After your die, your new monarch will be the ghost that leads you to the new site. There’s a war horse you can ride that spawns in a battlefield. One of the background textures for that battlefield is the body of your old monarch. The little touches. 100% recommend. Thanks for reading.

Artemis Hunt

Kingdom: New Lands

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